9. Fear and flight. Are you a fearful person? Are you preoccupied with fears? Are there situations, things, or people which cause you fear? Does fear seem to dominate and pervade many of the choices and options you select? Is your life somewhat limited and restricted because fears prevent you from doing certain things? Ralph tries to avoid his female boss most of the time because of her aggressiveness. She can get very loud and nasty at times. She can be sarcastic and rude when she confronts others. Ralph makes it a point to try to always stay on her good side. He fears having a run-in with her, even to the extent of sacrificing some of his own rights and freedom.

Fear has dominated most of Ralph's life. He has always been afraid of sports because he feared getting injured. Because some of his new friends are athletic, he declines invitations from them when they go skiing or climbing. He takes very few risks in life.

10. Rejection and condemnation. Many times you feel sensitive to rejection and interpret what others do as signs of rejection toward you. You also can be very condemning in the way you speak to yourself internally

11. Failure and defeat. Many times you have the feeling that you have failed. You feel defeated and unsuccessful. Perhaps you remember trying to do things with your parent which were just not enough to please him. You felt your efforts were in vain. You felt like giving up, and sometimes still say, "What's the use?" Steve would try to help his older brother when he worked on his car. But being sensitive, Steve would become fearful and nervous around his brother. Instead of these experiences making him feel closer to his very masculine brother, they would emphasize Steve's inadequacies.

Once, Steve was being picked on by other boys in the neighborhood. He finally got the courage to go to his brother to ask him for help. His brother began to show him how to fist fight. Steve was terrified to do this. Now he felt like he would let his brother down as well. So instead of challenging the neighborhood kids in a fight, he walked miles out of his way to avoid them after school. When his brother found out about this, it reinforced his self-image as a weakling and a failure.

12. Weakness and lack of confidence. In some ways this pair of feelings is a basic underlying condition in all overcomes. You may often sense an impotency; a lack of selfsufficiency and self- reliance. You lack the fortitude, the strength and "guts" to assert yourself; to say no when you have to. You refuse to force yourself through difficult emotional times. You often lack a tolerance for frustration and for times when there is little gratification. You sometimes cannot hold on long enough when you're in pain, and so you run to masturbation, pornography, and sexual acting out.

13. Helpless and hopeless. You may have times when you feel completely unable to handle things. You feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. You feel discouraged, despondent, and despairing. You lack a sense of hope and optimism. Many times, you are impatient and cannot hold on. You feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You don't believe things can ever get better, and if they do, they must be completely and totally better. All or nothing! If you can't have it all, you're hopeless. You tend to think in these black and white ways.

14. Victimized and oppressed. Often you succumb to being a victim or thinking like a victimized person. You give up, you give in, and allow others to oppress you and offend you. You don't stand up for yourself and defend yourself. You would rather not make waves. You do not initiate with others enough. You hold back and expect others to take the lead. You are cautious and careful.

15. Self-pity, sadness, and overwhelmed. These are big wounded feelings among overcomes. You can spend a lot of private time consoling and commiserating with yourself. You feel sorry for yourself and declare yourself a defeated and overwhelmed person by life and circumstances. The bottom falls out every so often. You cave in inside. You fall apart emotionally. You regress to tears or tantrums. You become absorbed in feeling sad and sorrowful.

l. Now having seen and rated #'s 9-15, begin to monitor all those that are highly charged and moderately charged, as you go through the next several weeks. Which ones keep coming up again and again? Which ones especially seem to emerge just before you feel homosexually tempted to act out? What incidents provoke them?

2. In going through these pairs of feelings, you may also recognize that many of these feelings began in the presence of your parents. See if you can begin to connect these feelings with specific people from your past and with incidents (stories) from your past in which these feelings were prominent. Write out a few of these stories and share them with me. Both writing them out and verbally telling them to others will be used by the Holy Spirit to heal the wounded feelings associated with them.

Male Sexual Abuse