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We Need to Talk Frankly About Masturbation
It may be important for you to work toward the complete elimination of masturbation. Masturbation can lead to several negative consequences, including sexual deviations. "As one researcher in this area, Dr. R. J. McGuire explains it, as a man repeatedly masturbates to a vivid sexual fantasy as his exclusive outlet, the pleasurable experience endows the deviant fantasy (rape, molesting children, exposing oneself, voyeurism, promiscuity, etc.) with increasing erotic value. The orgasm experienced then provides the critical reinforcing event for the conditioning of the fantasy preceding or accompanying the act. McGuire indicates that any type of sexual deviation can be acquired in this way, that it may include several unrelated deviations in one individual and that it cannot be eliminated even by massive feelings of guilt. His paper cites many case histories to illustrate this type of conditioning. Other related studies by D. R. Evans and B. T. Jackson support his thesis. They found that deviant masturbatory fantasy very significantly affected the habit strength of the subject's sexual deviation. In the treatment of hundreds of primarily male patients with sexual pathology (paraphilias) it has consistently been found that most men are vulnerable to the effects of masturbatory conditioning to pornography with a consequence of sexual ill health. We, especially males, are all subject to the laws of learning with few or no exceptions. Any individual who does this is at risk of becoming, in time, a sexual addict, as well as conditioning himself into having a sexual deviancy and/or disturbing a bonded relationship with a spouse or girlfriend. Being more intelligent increases the risk (in my judgement) because of the increased capacity to fantasize.
A frequent side effect is that it also dramatically reduces their capacity to love (e.g. it results in a marked dissociation of sex from friendship, affection, caring, and other normal healthy emotions and traits which help marital and family relationships). This sexual side becomes in a sense dehumanized.
Most addicts develop an "alien ego state" (or dark side), whose core is antisocial lust devoid of most values. Raw id, in a sense. Or the "natural man." In time, the "high" obtained from masturbating to pornography becomes more important than real life relationships. It has been commonly thought by health educators that masturbation has negligible consequences, other than reducing sexual tension. Moral objections aside, there is at least one other exception. This would appear to be in the area of repeatedly masturbating to deviant pornographic imagery (either as memories in the mind or with explicit external pornographic stimuli which risks (via conditioning) the acquiring of sexual addictions and/or other sexual pathology.
It makes no difference if one is an eminent physician, attorney, minister, athlete, corporate executive, college president, unskilled laborer, or an average 15 year old boy or President of the U.S. All can be conditioned into deviancy. The process of masturbatory conditioning is inexorable and does not spontaneously remiss."
The subject of masturbation needs to be treated honestly and practically. Too often it is dismissed with the exhortation to "stop!" Of course, to cease all masturbation is the desireable thing to do, and if you have been able to eliminate all masturbation, that is very commendable. However, as the old joke says, "95% of the male population masturbate, at least occasionally, and the rest are lying"!
Those who masturbate compulsively among the homosexually inclined population, represent a high percentage; about 85% to 95%. And for those who are Christian and homosexually disoriented, masturbation continues to be a source of some sexual compulsion and a confusing and troubling moral dilemma. Therefore, those who have not been able to eliminate masturbation, need more than a simple admonition to stop. They need assistance and guidance in taking steps to change their masturbation habit as they move toward the ideal goal of elimination and the overall goal of resolution (becoming an Adult, Christian, Sexually mature, Male).
Many men realize that if they allow any masturbation at all, it is easy for them to start to become compulsive about it and before long they have made masturbation their primary sexual outlet (rather than intercourse with their wives). Furthermore, they realize that masturbation also feeds on pornography and vice versa. The more one masturbates, the more one seeks visual stimulation through fantasy or pronography. The more one uses pornography, the more one desires to masturbate. So, if this is true for you, then your goal is to avoid all masturbation. Allow only "nocturnal orgasms". Of course, this is most difficult. If you are single, this means complete sexual abstinence. If you are married this means intercourse with your mate only.
[SKIP THIS WHOLE SECTION IN RED IF YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ELIMINATE MASTURBATION ALTOGETHER. THIS IS ONLY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT AND STILL FEEL THEY ARE COMPULSIVE ABOUT MASTURBATION. ]
I am assuming that if you have been able to eliminate masturbation you would have, and that instead you are a person who needs help in managing it. And so, in this writing I discuss sexual control and masturbation from four initial perspectives.
I am speaking primarily: (l) from the perspective of psychology (not morality); (2) from the perspective of management (not elimination); (3) from the perspective of Practical steps (not exhortation); (4) from the perspective of compulsive behavior (rather than non-compulsive)whether it is masturbation or some other form of homoerotic behavior.
The Importance of Self-Control
Managing and gaining self-control over compulsive masturbation is important for both psychological and moral reasons. Psychologically, compulsive sexuality serves as an indulgent sexual outlet and a reenforcer of homosexuality which interferes with emotional maturity and resolution. This is true because such masturbation for a male who indulges homosexual fantasies, is like having sex with another male. Likewise, from a moral perspective, compulsive, uncontrolled masturbation clouds and contaminates a person's relationship with God as the person is constantly in a state of guilt, shame, needing to make confession of sin, seeking forgiveness, and seeing themselves continually violating God's call to resolution. It can play into low self-esteem, self-blame and self-hatred and a sense of God's displeasure and disapproval of them.
While exhortation to elimination for moral reasons may work for some, the reality is that a large percentage need help with practical management of the frequency and fantasy of masturbation or other homoerotic behaviors.
In terms of masturbation, the way you masturbate is the Fantasy part. The compulsiveness or frequency of masturbation is the Frequency part. With these limited goals and circumscribed perspectives in mind then, here are some guidelines to assist you in diminishing and managing masturbation in a more mature way as a Christian man who desires to continue to grow and develop in his walk with God.
Ultimate and Transitional Goals
I recognize that I am speaking to people, for the most part, who have reenforced the habit of masturbation over several years and have made many compromises with this habit. I also take into account the reality that men tend to be very visually oriented in their sexual experience. Therefore, these guidelines are listed from an ideal strategy to least ideal strategies. The ultimate goal is to eliminate masturbation if possible. Yes! The transitional goals and guidelines however, are to diminish the homosexual fantasy and the compulsive frequency of masturbation (Fantasy and Frequency). In the following material I want to speak candidly and practically. NOTE WELL: These guidelines are definitely transitional adjustments toward the ideal goal of eliminating masturbation and are not intended to give sanction to masturbation as a way of life or to ignore it’s potential sinfulness.
Guidelines Concerning Fantasy
l. The first guideline is: if you masturbate, attempt to do so quickly, as a sort of physical, biological release without accompanying fantasy or visual indulgence, if this is possible. In this regard, only masturbate when you feel you "must" or will "bust". If you can abide by this first rule, you will probably find that you are able to eliminate most fantasy and reduce the frequency of masturbation to a non-compulsive (Defined as: once a week to once a month) level.
2. The second guideline: If you are a married man who finds that he indulges homosexual fantasies during intercourse with his wife, I recommend that you keep your eyes open during intercourse. By doing so you can enjoy whatever is stimulating to you in observing "yourself and your wife" in love-making, even if this means in part observing your own genital area and concentrating more on your "maleness". This is a better compromise than using homosexual fantasy.
3. The third guideline: When you masturbate, if you do close your eyes, instead of using fantasy of any kind, concentrate on what is happening in your body. That is, observe your own experience; the sensual pleasure in your genital area, spine, head and brain; your heartbeat and breathing. Keep your attention on physical pleasure. Do this as a substitute for homosexual fantasy.
4. The fourth guideline: When you masturbate with your eyes closed, if you must fantasize, as a compromise, try to limit your fantasies to generic males rather than specific males known to you; to clothed males rather than nude; to people rather than body parts.
All these guidelines are, of course, artificial and contrived. But remember, the ultimate goal is to first gain control, (perhaps even eliminate your compulsive need for) masturbation. The transitional goal is to diminish the homosexual fantasy and the compulsive frequency of masturbation.
Guidelines Concerning Frequency
Attempt to limit your masturbation in whatever way you do it, to between only once a week to once a month the most, (the non-compulsive norm). However, don't become complacent about this. Your goal is to work toward the "once a month" or "total elimination" objective. In any case, I believe that masturbation which is more frequent than this range is moving toward or has moved into unhealthy compulsivity and addictiveness.
When People cannot Overcome Addictions by the usually means, it is my belief and experience
that other factors are involved. Such as:
1. Satan (a severe oppression or in the extreme, possession)
2. OCP (a well entrenched obsessive/compulsive/perfectionistic personality)
3. Regression or significant emotional immaturity
4. Mental illness
5. Chemical organic factors needing treatment/medication.
6. The need for a Residential Program
On this 22nd Day of this I-40 Program, you may have been totally abstinant from all masturbation. I congratulate you if you have been.
That is a great victory in self-control. If that is true for you, what do you think has been the most helpful factor(s) in making that happen?
For you who have not been totally abstinent, I don't mean to give permission to indulging in masturbation by what I have written above in RED. But I would have you reflect on the standards I suggest for fantasy and frequency. Comment on how close to those standards you have been, and the suggestions I made.