Staying sexually clean is difficult since our habits have become a part of our lives. When we become stressed out or disappointed or happy or sad, or some other emotion, we often find ourselves on "auto-pilot", and moving toward behaviors that are dangerous and destructive.
One way to think of this is to look at the diagram below. You must think about and know what things trigger you; maybe going to the beach, driving in a certain area of town, seeing certain movies, etc. Then take a step backward, and set some boundaries that will help you stay out of getting triggered. For example, not watching TV after 10:00, or even going near a certain area, surfing the Internet alone at night, etc. The problem is when you cross a boundary and get triggered, it is very difficult to get out of the current and get sane again. It is much to easy too get sucked into the vortex of a slip when triggered. The whole idea is to stay as far away from boundaries as possible. Dwelling on ideas, "Testing" your resolve or progress by getting close to boundaries is very dangerous. The powerful vortex is waiting for you!
An important thing to think about in our recovery is that we must be ever vigilant and to FILL THE VOID of your sinful activities with POSITIVE THINGS; "Safe Activities", as shown above. You must be aware of the things that can and do "trigger" you and get you heading down the slippery slope of falling back into old ways.
General Tips to help you
Here are a few ideas that you might be able to use to help keep your thoughts where they need to be.
1) Create a listing of "safe" activities, hobbies, interests, or projects that need doing. Keep this list handy in a day planner, a folder, or hanging on the wall. When faced with idle time, go to the list and begin doing something on your list. Not only can it help your thoughts, but you'll get a lot of good things done.
2) Pick up the phone and call a friend, perhaps even one that you haven't talked to for a long time and have just a good old-fashioned conversation about things in general.
3) Find a worthy cause that needs volunteers. When tempted, jump into some activity for that cause. As the Lord told us, "... whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." As you lose yourself in the service of others, you have a hard time thinking evil.
4) Have a selection of good books and "safe" movies that can be picked up or watched at a moments notice.
5) Some people put a rubber band around their wrist and snap it whenever they think of things that they shouldn't.
6) When commuting to work, instead of listening to music and DJ's who seem to always push the limit, check out audio books at your local library that you know are safe and listen to them.
7) Find "safe" routes home that do not take you past places that might trigger you. Better to put a few extra miles on your car than fall back on your commitment. Here's a good saying:
Yesterday when I was walking home and not paying attention I fell into a large deep hole. I struggled and worked hard, but I eventually got out.
The next day I was walking home, not paying attention and again fell in the same hole. This time I got out a little faster.
The next day, I paid attention and walked around the hole.
Today I'll take a different route
8) Pray. Admit to yourself and to God that you are being tempted. Pray for help in overcoming. Being tempted is not a sin, giving in is.
Traveling Tips
Traveling on business can be a dangerous time for many since you can be very anonymous and alone without anyone else knowing you. The hard part is that you get stuck in a hotel room that has a TV with pornography on it available to you. Or you may have a car and it becomes easy to spend your evening "cruising" or going to "clubs". The problem also is that libraries, museums, stores and other tourist attractions are typically not available in the later evening hours. SO....what to do. Below is a list that may help your travel go a little better, IF you'll try it. The key is to PLAN FOR SUCCESS by planning your trip and taking the right things along. You wouldn't forget your toothbrush, so don't forget your plan.
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When you first check into your hotel, call the front desk and block the porno channels.°
Limit your available cash on hand to no more than $20 - 30. The rest of the money you need charge on either a corporate card or personal card that comes to your home.°
Bring a picture of your wife, children, the POPE, Mother Theresa, your pastor, or anything else that will remind you about your responsibilities and set it on the television.°
Don't even turn the TV on even to watch the news, or anything else as once it's there, it can be impossible to turn off without "surfing"°
Bring your scriptures or a church book that you may be interested in, and then READ IT!°
Bring a safe, quick read novel that you may be interested in (like a John Grisham, or Tom Clancey) and READ IT!°
If you are traveling with others and have a rental car, give someone else the keys or let someone else drive so you cannot get out and about late at night°
Make a date with your wife or others to call at a specific time (preferably one that would be inconvenient to your "other" activities).°
Have a friend or "sponsor" that knows you are traveling and will be available to you to call ANYTIME if you are having a struggle.°
Fill your time with activities rather than just vegetate in the hotel room with the television beckoning you.°
When going to dinner with others, spend time really getting to know them and if they are locals, ask for some interesting places to visit in the evening.°
Take your journal and write in it.°
Don't go out drinking at the bar with the guys, even though you don't drink. It nearly always leads to poor conversation and bad "opportunities".Ways to be safe on-line and with the Internet
Being on-line is a growing area of problems for children and adults. With a couple of clicks, you can find yourself in one of countless pornographic sites, yet with a couple of other clicks, you can be studying church doctrine. Pornography on-line is a multi-BILLION dollar business, with the proceeds going to organized crime and other slime that will do anything for money.
The important thing to remember is that secrecy allows you to "surf" or "chat" where you shouldn't. The key is to try and eliminate the opportunities to go to bad material and then be open about when and what you are doing on-line. Here are some ideas about how you can be safe on your computer.
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Find an Internet service provider that offers filtering (where the ISP has "surf watch", "net nanny", etc.) at their location where you can't turn it off and then SIGN UP. They don't know that you may not have children you're trying to protect. Give the authority to turn it on/off or have the password controlled by someone else.°
If you can't find a provider that offers filtering (Then you really aren't looking too hard!), then order surf watch, cyberpatrol, netnanny yourself, install it and have someone else own the password°
Stay out of chat rooms, PERIOD. Even if they appear to be wholesome. If you have had problems with "cybering", you can still easily get triggered and you'll be off and running in no time.°
If you are an AOL customer, turn off IM's, especially if you have been involved with this activity before. Someone from the past could come back and haunt you.°
Never log on to the Internet when you are alone. Always let someone know that you are on-line and what you are doing.°
Have your computer in a location where you can get caught if you stray. Have the monitor screen visible from a doorway or place it in an area where there is traffic that can see what you are doing.°
Teach your spouse or others more about the Internet and teach them how to search the History files so that they can see where everyone has been.ACTION: Give me a report about your internet use and your traveling experience as related to the tips above.